Taking Away More of Your SEO Tools

You’ll notice a new simpler, cleaner design on the search results page - unless you're an SEO. In that case, all you'll notice is that your precious location tool has gone missing from the left sidebar. Boo hoo, keep all your whining to yourself and take a long, hard look at your crappy website before trying to critique our UI design. We know what people want and like, NOT you guys.

Btw, you can still access the location settings under "Search Tools" so you can go check on the rankings of your pathetic little Justin Bieber wristband site, but don't plan on it being there for too long.

Hasta la vista motha f&%$#$$s!

Search quality highlights: 86,000 changes for June and July

We've been busy this summer dealing with our latest FTC Privacy inquiry and haven't had the chance to keep up with publishing our latest algorithm changes. Please accept our 22.5 million apologies. So this month we're making up for it and including June and July together in another monster post that few of you will bother reading and even less of you will even come close to understanding. While we try to make things as simple as scalably possible, we know most of you self-professed SEO's that subscribe to this blog are high school dropouts and other dreamer-types that couldn't make it in the real world. With that in mind, we will only be identifying new changes by either a descriptive name or codename, not both. Although, unless you're Sheldon Cooper, you really won't notice any difference.

Here's the list for June:

• usa-vs-euro. [project codename "Answers"] You spoke and we listened. Instead of wasting resources on fixing our Google+ Local and scores of other problems, we decided to add a quick, easy, and "neato" way to check soccer scores. 
• #822933. [project codename "Answers"] Why we used the same codename to identify what seems like a totally unrelated update is up to you to figure out, but it really sets the tone for this whole blog post. And besides - isn't that a great color?!
• Better HTML5 resource caching for mobile. [project codename "mobile"] Yes. Seriously. That's the project codename. You can tell we really hate doing this. Larry seems to think it will make people love us again, though, so... Btw, did we ever mention we can help you create a mobile-friendly website?
• ng2. [project codename "Other Ranking Components"] We realized that when people are searching for something like [car stereos], they really intend to search for the famous Puerto Rican Salsa duo. Gotta love that code name too, right? Are these posts helpful or what?
• Ref-16. [project codename "Other Ranking Components"] No, you're not losing your mind. We really are giving the same project codenames to everything. This is a known issue and we are doing our best to address it. 
• Goatse. [project codename "Page Quality"] This launch helps you find more high-quality content from trusted sources by only showing results from Amazon, Ebay, and Walmart. Sure saves our engineers a lot of time.
• Goatse NC17. [project codename "Page Quality"] Just read the line above this and then read this line again. Keep scratching your head.
• GreenLandfill. [project codename "Page Quality"] PANDA!!!!!!!!11OMGBBQ!!!!!!!1234&$! This is what you guys came here for, right? Here it is, our Panda update. Get ready to read about this over, and over, and over, and over, and overrrr again on every mother****ing internet marketing primadonna douchebag's blog on the web. Good luck using Twitter for a while since their servers will probably be overloaded with millions of great SEO "tips". ...Wish we could overload G+'s servers for once. :(
• #823532. [you wonder why we even bother including a codename, right?] This is the color of Panda. In fact, based on what you've seen so far, I wouldn't even bother reading the rest of our algo changes because, for some reason, THEY ARE ALL HEX COLORS!!!!! WTH??!!!!!!!
• #ffffff. [project codename "Page Quality"] This is the hex code for white, the key to a clean-uncluttered web page. You will continue to see less and less of this in our SERPs. 
• #000000. [project codename "Page Quality"] This is the hex code for black, or being "in the black". In other words, making money. If you are a one or two-man ecommerce operation, you're probably not doing much of this these days... but we are!!!
• #ff0000. [project codename "Page Quality"] This is the hex code for red, or being "in the red" -  like many of you small-time webmasters, local business owners, and just about everyone besides us these days. What? You're going to tell all your friends to switch to Bing, huh? Yeah, good luck with that. 
• #852345. [project codename "Page Quality"] You guys do know that we don't even publish most of the changes we make, right? But since it helps you feel like you've got some kind of a grip on our search technology and keeps us in the spotlight, our list for July is posted next. It's the exact same thing as June but in reverse. Have fun!

Here's the list for July:

•  .orue-sv-asu. serocs reccos kcehc ot yaw "otaen" dna ,ysae ,kciuq a dda dluow ew ,smelborp rehto fo serocs dna lacoL +elgooG ruo gnixif no secruoser gnitsaw fo daetsni taht dediced ew os emitsap lanoitan rieht tuoba suoires-repus era sresu .S.U ruo wonk eW .denetsil ew dna ekops uoY ]"srewsnA" emanedoc tcejorp[.
• 339228#. !?roloc taerg a siht t'nsi tub - tuo erugif ot uoy ot pu si etadpu detalernu yllatot a ekil smees tahw yfitnedi ot emanedoc emas eht desu ew yhW ]"srewsnA" emanedoc tcejorp[.
• elibom rof gnihcac ecruoser 5LMTH retteB. ?etisbew yldneirf-elibom a etaerc uoy pleh nac ew noitnem reve ew did ,wtB .tsil ruo fo tser eht daer uoy llit tiaw tsuJ .siht gniod etah yllaer ew llet nac uoY .emanedoc tcejorp eht s'tahT .ylsuoireS .seY ]"elibom" emanedoc tcejorp[.
• 2gn. ?tahw ro lufpleh stsop eseht erA ?thgir ,oot eman edoc taht evol attoG .oud aslaS naciR otreuP suomaf eht rof hcraes ot dnetni yllaer yeht ,]soerets rac[ ekil gnihtemos rof gnihcraes era elpoep nehw taht dezilaer eW ]"stnenopmoC gniknaR rehtO" emanedoc tcejorp[.
• 61-feR. ti tcerroc ot tseb ruo gniod era ew dna eussi nwonk a si sihT .gnihtyreve ot semanedoc tcejorp emas eht gnivig era yllaer eW .dnim ruoy gnisol ton er'uoy ,oN ]"stnenopmoC gniknaR rehtO" emanedoc tcejorp.
• estaoG. daeh ruoy gnihctarcs peeK .niaga enil siht daer neht dna siht evoba enil eht daer tsuJ ]"ytilauQ egaP" emanedoc tcejorp[.
• 71CN estaoG. daeh ruoy gnihctarcs peeK .niaga enil siht daer neht dna siht evoba enil eht daer tsuJ ]"ytilauQ egaP" emanedoc tcejorp[.
• llifdnaLneerG. (: .srevres s'+G daolrevo dluoc ew hsiW... ."spit" taerg fo snoillim htiw dedaolrevo eb ylbaborp lliw srevres rieht ecnis elihw a rof rettiwT gnisu kcul dooG .bew eht no golb s'gabehcuod gnitekram tenretni gni****rehtom yreve no niaga rrrrevo dna ,revo dna ,revo dna ,revo dna ,revo siht tuoba daer ot ydaer teG .etadpu adnaP ruo ,si ti ereH ?thgir ,rof ereh emac syug uoy tahw si sihT !$&4321!!!!!!!QBBGMO11!!!!!!!!ADNAP ]"ytilauQ egaP" emanedoc tcejorp[.
• 235328#. !!!!!!!??HTW !!!!!SROLOC XEH LLA ERA YEHT ,nosaer emos rof ,esuaceb segnahc ogla ruo fo tser eht gnidaer rehtob neve t'ndluow I ,raf os nees ev'uoy tahw no desab ,tcaf nI .adnaP fo roloc eht si sihT ]?thgir ,emanedoc a gnidulcni rehtob neve ew yhw rednow uoy.
• ffffff#. sPRES ruo ni siht fo ssel dna ssel ees ot eunitnoc lliw uoY .roloc yna fo kcal eht ro ,etihw rof edoc xeh eht si sihT ]"ytilauQ egaP" emanedoc tcejorp[.
• 000000#. !!!era ew tub ...syad eseht siht fo hcum gniod ton ylbaborp er'uoy ,noitarepo ecremmoce nam-owt ro eno a er'uoy fI .yenom gnikam ,sdrow rehto nI ."kcalb eht ni" gnieb ro ,kcalb rof edoc xeh eht si sihT ]"ytilauQ egaP" emanedoc tcejorp[.
• 543258#. !nuf evaH .esrever ni tub enuJ sa gniht emas tcaxe eht s'tI .txen detsop si yluJ rof tsil ruo ,thgiltops eht ni su speek dna ygolonhcet hcraes ruo no pirg a fo dnik emos tog ev'uoy ekil leef uoy spleh ti ecnis tuB ?thgir ,ekam ew segnahc eht fo tsom hsilbup neve t'nod ew taht wonk od syug uoY ]"ytilauQ egaP" emanedoc tcejorp[.